Something New, Something Old
by ordinaryUES
Summary: Serena's life has been in shambles this season so I felt the need to write her story. Set after 5x18. Serena/Carter possibly..


_This is set after 5x18 so warning! spoilers. _

_And i have changed the story a little. Nate didn't fire Serena, and Serena is not gossip girl, it's still the old gossip girl or georgina, whatever. _

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><p>Serena turned towards her floor-length mirror, she examined her face and body; her cheekbones seemed to be very visible these days…the meat in her cheeks were not there as they were before, her lips were subtly turned into a frown, her hair was messy and her once bright and happy blonde looked more duller now…just like her face which seemed to be paler than usual lately. Serena's simple but expensive white tank top had ridden up her waist and she lifted it to see that her flat stomach looked much flatter now and in her denim high-waisted shorts she could grasp that her long lean legs, that went on for what seemed like forever – therefore always alluring men that set their eyes on them, were not the perfect tan she had gotten whilst she was in LA that summer. Serena sighed to her mirror image and reached to grab her black sequin blazer, which she had dropped on her bed, and shrugged it on to complete her look. She peeked at herself in the mirror one more time but immediately realised it was a mistake. The small crease between her eyebrows grew deeper and she bristly walked towards her desk, occupying herself by going through her work notes and packing them into her purse, Serena didn't have, or more honestly, <em>want<em> time to think about how unhealthy and sad she looked like right now.

She heard a pearl of laughter coming from her roommate's bedroom. Serena closed her eyes and took in a big breath; she had practiced her fake-smile well and was prepared when Blair stumbled in her doorway, ending the phone call she had just been on, to say good morning to her best friend.

"S! Guess where I ended up last night!" Blair almost screamed down Serena's ear, her eyes bulging out in excitement and Serena thought she spotted even a tinge of horror in them.

"I don't know…but it wasn't at Ivy's party." Serena replied. She was a little pissed at Blair and at that moment she only wanted to think the reason for that was because Blair had not turned up to support her family at the cocktail party hosted by the biggest upper east side con artist yet – who was threatening to ruin the van der Woodsons' lives. But Serena knew that Blair's absent presence at a society event wasn't the main reason she was mad, although she didn't want to admit it, her heart and mind knew that it was because of one particular ex-boyfriend from Brooklyn that now only had eyes for her best friend…

"Oh. Well yeah, something came up" Blair said, her smile faltering the teensiest bit and beginning to gnaw her lower lip, she looked away.

Serena squinted at her and when Blair refused to meet her eye, she gave up. Serena could always tell when Blair was hiding something but recently Blair didn't really open up to her; she had instead taken refuge in the man Serena still loved.

"Alright. So, then where _did_ you go last night?"

"Williamsburg! Can you believe it?"

"Woow… I never would have thought Blair Waldorf would go there, sober"

"Well… I wasn't exactly sober" Blair said, biting her lip and turning away again.

Something clicked at that moment and Serena looked away too, flustered.

_Oh. They had gone out drinking in Brooklyn instead of coming to the party._

Nonetheless, Serena got herself together and faced Blair. She didn't want to talk about _him_ yet and she prayed for Blair to realise that.

"Okay well, I have to get to work. Talk to you later, B" The words came out in a rush and Serena almost speed-walked out of her bedroom, purse in hand and leaving behind a startled and confused Blair, who had very clearly seen Serena's reaction. She sunk onto her best friend's bed, covering her face in her hands, wondering how and when it went all wrong.

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><p>"Serena! I need you to finish that Ivy column today." Nate's voice came through the office walls before his head appeared on her door.<p>

"Nearly done" she shot him a smile and forced herself to hold in her laugh. Nate didn't suit telling people what to do, his innocent and kind personality looked like it was struggling to be a 'boss' of a magazine company.

"Great, well when you're done and have passed it on to the editor, you can have the rest of the day off. But make sure all the reviews are read and checked." He tried to say it sternly but failed hilariously. She giggled and mouthed an 'ok'. She loved Nate, she really did. He had always been a great person and she felt somewhat happy that he was finally satisfied with his life.

"You look happier than when you came in today" Nate offered.

"Work makes me happy," Serena replied.

Nate gave her that warm smile he always wore and sometimes she thought he did an especially bright one just for her and a millisecond later, he disappeared at the sound of his phone buzzing.

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><p>Serena got back to the apartment during the afternoon and looked around her bedroom. Everything was in place, neat and tidy. She reached in her purse and checked her phone; no missed calls or texts. Serena looked around again, racking her brain and trying to figure out something she had forgotten to do, a meeting she had overlooked to attend, an email she had forgotten to check, a call she had elapsed to make. But no; nothing. For the first time in a long time, Serena van der Woodson realised that she was not needed anywhere or by anyone.<p>

Lily and Rufus were getting used to living in the loft again, and Serena was sure her mother was considering hiring all the interior decorators in New York to clean up the old Brooklyn 'apartment'. Nate would be with his girlfriend/Serena's cousin Lola, Chuck would be doing… well, whatever he does during the day; Serena didn't really have a very clear image on her billionaire step brother's day job, she only ever sees him either doing some sort of business deal, helping out his best friend, drinking scotch or sometimes even all of them at once. Erik would be somewhere with his college duties, Blair was probably somewhere getting her divorce things finalised and Dan, Serena internally winced at the thought of his name, was most likely accompanying her, because he was now Blair's _boyfriend. _The word still didn't seem to fit into that category for Serena and she still had a hard time contemplating the whole situation.

_No one needs me. _

The thought dawned on Serena. She was unfamiliar with it and immediately refused to accept the idea. She, Serena van der Woodson didn't need anyone, she told herself firmly and if they didn't need her, then so be it. Serena jumped in the shower and in the time frame of 10 minutes, changed into a short & strapless black, cocktail dress, slipped into some red-heeled pumps; blow dried her hair and ran a brush through the blonde curls, keeping it wavy but also a touch messy, waved her mascara wand about her long eye lashes and spread the light pink lip gloss over her thin lips. Chic, natural, flirty, beautiful, and not even the smallest hint of _try hard – _classic Serena van der Woodson. She looked and felt a whole lot better than she had in the morning. Serena stepped out her and Blair's apartment with the thought of wanting to get drunk being the current most important thing lingering in her mind.

Her expensive heels clicked on the concrete of 2nd Avenue as Serena made her way to the entrance of an unfamiliar bar. Serena needed to kill time tonight and she knew how to have a good time without her friends. But after stepping foot inside _Bounce_, the place looked like it was having a slow night. She sighed to herself and went over to the bar anyway.

"_Screw it" _she muttered under her breath.

The bartender's eyes took her in and he let a whistle escape his lips. Serena tried her hardest not to give the man that looked about twice her age a disgusted expression but hastily ordered anything strong they had on the menu. His eyes widened at her request but he nodded and turned to make her a drink.

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><p>Serena was experienced enough to know that coming into a bar in New York would give away the wrong impression to everyone.<p>

_What do we have here! Looks like our favourite blonde is back to her old habits; drinking alone S? Can't wait to see where this leads to. Or who. _

_Keep me posted upper east siders._

_xoxo_

_GG_

She could care less what _Gossip Girl _wrote about her, the anonymous blogger had lost her taste in the recent years and frankly no one was giving a shit about what she had to say. But Serena, unusually, felt happy to see the post; she found it almost reassuring that gossip girl was still posting about her. As much as Serena didn't want people to think that she was being her 16 year old self again, she didn't want to be irrelevant. However, the old highschool graduation labels were proven correct for everyone in the years since…

"Mhm. Miss, the bar closes in 30 minutes" The Bartender's voice interrupted her internal chatter.

"Oh. Right. Well, I was just about to leave." Serena jumped up from the stool and fished for something in her purse.

She dropped the paper on the table and left without a word, leaving the bartender in awe at the extremely generous tip lying in front of him.

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><p>Serena toppled onto the street, not realising how tipsy she was. She squinted at her phone and made out that it was past 1am. She knew that she should be home now but her mind wasn't sure how to make that happen. Serena leaned on a pole on the side walk, feeling exhausted and craving the comfort of her bed.<p>

"Hello beautiful." The old nickname came from a familiar voice and something pulled at her heart strings. She convinced herself that it was the alcohol but she couldn't stop the whisper that escaped her lips in a broken sound.

"Carter." Serena spun around and to see another man that had broken her heart. He was standing within touching range and she saw his eyes bulge when he took her in. He'd seen it all before but his eyes seemed to reveal hurt when he saw her in this state.

Carter had recognised her as soon as he was about to pass her in his limo. Of course he had. She was Serena van der Woodson, the only girl he ever actually came close to developing strong feelings for. The familiar blonde curls always caught his eye, wherever he was.

Carter quickly recovered his reaction to Serena by giving her a smirk which only too soon was replaced with fear when she tried to walk towards him, but came very close to plastering her face to the concrete.

He caught her swiftly and held her up by the shoulders.

Serena's deep blue eyes looked up to his grey and something in her cracked.

She felt heartbroken, confused, exhausted, sleepy, and lonely; so many emotions overtaking her and tears started to brim out her eyes.

Carter was taken off guard to say the least, but he knew what to do, he always did. Strong hands circled Serena, and he helped her into his limo.

"C'mon. Let's get you home, yeah?"

Serena nodded silently while the tears kept spilling. Carter reached to her face and wiped them away softly. Refusing to think any of it, or _anything at all_, she pressed her face into his shirt. The warmth felt nice against her body and she let her eyes close and sleep take over.

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><p><em>ok so I'm not sure if this will turn into a story. I wanted to post this to see what people will think of it. If i do decide to continue this as a story though, I want to stress that I dont know if this will be a SerenaCarter fic so please don't rule out Dan or Nate. Also, I probably won't include any chair or dair in this...mainly because i think it's already very discussed in this fandom lol_

_but anyways, please review! _


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